Uncle Newtie’s Kinder Care Plan

Republican Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich has officially commenced the second destruction of his campaign just as polls showed him rising from the ashes from his first disintegration and leading the other GOP hopefuls in Con-a-thon 2012. He recently was quoted as saying that the current child labor laws are stupid and that he would change them as soon as he could if he were President. Hey, we couldn’t agree more. We should return to those halcyon days of the 19th century when labor laws were lax and children were poor and hungry enough to work for a pittance or if they’re really industrious, a cup of gruel. The earlier a child, a.k.a worker drone, realizes that the only purpose for their existence is spending his or her life as an insignificant cog in the machinery of the Corporate States of America, the better off he or she will be. It’s compassionate conservatism, folks. Just accept it and don’t ask questions.

Since Newtie has entered tin foil hat territory, we’re wondering who will be the next flavor of the month for the Republicans? Will it finally be Spiff Romney?(Not bloody likely!) Or will Ms. Ubetcha announce her candidacy after much reflection and encouragement from her Tea Party Patriots? This is better than a Mexican telenovela. Stay tuned America!

GOP candidate and 19th century aficionado, Newt Gingrich, has made the astute observation that children spend far too much time playing and should instead be preparing themselves for a life of corporate drudgery as a wage slave.

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