More Corporate BS and hijinx…this time some fun, fun, fun from our September 26, 2004 issue.
Local Company Enforces Mandatory Fun
Local Internet company, Swellco, Inc. has come up with a sure-fire way to boost employee morale. It has instituted a Fun, Fun, Fun day every last working day of the month.
Marketing manager, Biff Timmons, explained why the day was created. “Lately our employees have been putting in long, long, hours to meet some pretty strict, unattainable deadlines. We’ve just decided that this is our way of saying ‘Gee, Thanks guys! You’re doing a swell job!’ And each Fun, Fun, Fun day will have a different theme. That’s what will make it fun, fun, fun for all!”
This week’s Fun, Fun, Fun day will be called “Rootin’ Tootin’ Rodeo”. Everybody will come to work in western garb. In the morning, there will be a ‘Rope the Li’l Doggie’ contest. Biff Timmons will play the role of the steer. One representative from each department will then try to rope and hogtie him. The winner will get an official looking certificate stating that they won the contest. Then an official ‘western’ style meal will be served at lunch featuring beanie-weenies, potato salad, chips and sarsaparilla. In the afternoon, there will be a ‘Barrel Racing’ contest. In this case, the barrels will be computer monitors, placed randomly and carelessly on the ground around the office. One representative from each department will race around the monitors, and the fastest finisher will win and get branded with a temporary tattoo with the Swellco logo on it. The festivities will end with an official hoedown with western music played on a portable CD player and line dancing.
Employee reaction to the Fun, Fun, Fun day was mostly negative. “God, what a lame-ass idea!” said programmer Mark Seitz. “This is the best idea our marketing department can come up with? No wonder our company is going down the tubes! I think I’ll have a cold that day.”
Web developer Tom Eldred said, “If they really want to improve morale, they should give employees more money or more vacation time. Instead we get to rope Biff Timmons. I’ve had enough already. I’m logging onto Monster!”
CEO Bradley Melkerson had some advice for his employees who may not be enthusiastic about the Fun, Fun, Fun day. “It’s important that employees realize the hard work that went into the planning of the Fun, Fun, Fun day. This day is for you. Therefore, it is mandatory that employees have a good time or else. Oh, and if you break one of those computer monitors during the barrel racing, you pay for it.”
Biff Timmons concluded, “You get beanie-weenies, you get a Swellco Brand tattoo, and you get to rope and hogtie the ol’ Biffer. How could that not be fun, fun, fun?”