{"id":5873,"date":"2018-03-11T00:14:01","date_gmt":"2018-03-11T07:14:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/?p=5873"},"modified":"2018-03-11T00:14:01","modified_gmt":"2018-03-11T07:14:01","slug":"rewind-john-boltons-image-makeover","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/?p=5873","title":{"rendered":"Rewind: John Bolton’s Image Makeover"},"content":{"rendered":"

The exodus of personnel from the disaster that is the Trump White House continues. Rumor has it that NSA advisor,\u00a0H.R. McMaster, one of the few competent people in the Trump administration, is heading for the hills<\/a>. The scuttlebutt is that everyone’s favorite mustachioed, hate filled, crusty curmudgeon, former United Nations Ambassador during the Bush Administration, John Bolton, is being considered for the NSA position. Bolton is an unabashed warmonger and would be disastrous not only for the country but for the world<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Back during Dubya’s days in the White House, we had a regular feature here at the Bucket called Probing Inquiries. Bolton definitely had an image problem (and still does)\u00a0and desperately needed an image makeover so he’d appeal to a wider swath of Americans. How’d it turn out? You be the judge.<\/p>\n

This\u00a0is from\u00a0our January 11, 2006 issue.<\/p>\n

Probing Inquiries<\/h5>\n

\"FantasticusJohn Bolton Softens His Image<\/h2>\n

The new controversial U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, recently hired a crew to completely makeover his image from a grizzled curmudgeon to a softer, more amiable statesman. Leader of the makeover team, world renowned fashion consultant\u00a0Fantasticus<\/b>, who is also responsible for the stylish makeovers of Katie Couric, Condoleezza Rice and Prince Charles\u2019 polo horse\u00a0Skippy, describes the different looks considered in the makeover odyssey. The final result will surely make John Bolton the most loveable U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations ever!<\/p>\n

\"JohnThe obvious first choice was to make John Bolton look like the other famous Bolton in America, singer\u00a0Michael Bolton<\/b>. We thought the long locks, smoldering eyes and sex appeal of Michael would transfer well to John. We were wrong. Next!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

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\"JohnNext!!!!!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

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\"JohnWe decided to try to make John Bolton more fluffy and lovable and who is more fluffy and lovable than the\u00a0Easter Bunny<\/b>. Well this just plain frightened our test group, which was made up of mostly children. I\u2019m pretty sure they\u2019ll probably have nightmares for the remainders of their lives. Next!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

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\"JohnThe makeover was going downhill quicker than Bill O\u2019Reilly\u2019s \u2018War on Christmas\u2019, so I called in makeover diva,\u00a0Tyra Banks<\/b>, as a consultant. Tyra is known for her \u2018fierce\u2019 makeovers, but this look just creeped everyone out. Next! Hurry!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

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\"JohnWINNER!<\/b>\u00a0We fired Tyra immediately, but she was on the right track. Who\u2019s more non-threatening in a masculine-feminine way than\u00a0Dame Edna<\/b>. This look will put his fellow ambassadors at ease and bring laughter and love to the entire United Nations.<\/em><\/p>\n

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The exodus of personnel from the disaster that is the Trump White House continues. Rumor has it that NSA advisor,\u00a0H.R. McMaster, one of the few competent people in the Trump administration, is heading for the hills. The scuttlebutt is that everyone’s favorite mustachioed, hate filled, crusty curmudgeon, former United Nations Ambassador during the Bush Administration, … Continue reading “Rewind: John Bolton’s Image Makeover”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[61,8,85,3,35],"tags":[1704,1701,50,22,1705,52,1706,1703,9,115,458,199,21,98,596,296,19,47,48,694,1702],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5873"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5873"}],"version-history":[{"count":35,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5873\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5914,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5873\/revisions\/5914"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5873"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5873"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5873"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}