Well folks, Donald Trump had a really bad week. Speaking of train wrecks, we’ve dug up another appropriate rant by the Bucket’s resident crusty curmudgeon, Chester Einstein. In it, he complains about the abundance of reality TV shows which revel in people’s crashing, burning and wrecking all for our amusement. We think this rant was ahead of its time considering the current disaster that is the Donald Trump campaign.<\/p>\n
This is from our April 25, 2005 issue.<\/p>\n
![\"Chester](\"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/chestereinstein_sm.jpg\")
Americans Sure Love Train Wrecks<\/h2>\nIt\u2019s April again in Cactus Corners. The temperature is almost one hundred degrees and it you haven\u2019t got your air conditioner working yet, you\u2019ll probably be sweating your ass off this summer. I\u2019ve been trying to figure out these past few months how so many people got duped into voting for that walking disaster area Dubya and it got me thinking. I\u2019ve observed what\u2019s on television, what\u2019s in the news, and what\u2019s going on in general in this country and I\u2019ve come to one conclusion; Americans love train wrecks.<\/p>\n
Now those of you who have read my columns before are probably saying, \u201cYou\u2019re just a cranky, old fussbudget. Shut up you old coot!\u201d Well, dag nab it! Just hear me out. Look at the crap that\u2019s on television nowadays. We get our jollies watching people eat maggots, reindeer testicles and slop we wouldn\u2019t feed our sewer systems. We love watching people self destruct and getting voted off an island or kicked out of an apartment or dragged through the muck by an oxen in a wacky race around the globe. What\u2019s next, a reality show where the losers get the chance to catch live ammunition?<\/p>\n
And what the hell is it with our obsession with celebrities. Now Oprah and Jerry Springer I can understand. They\u2019ve both got moxie up the ying-yang, I tells ya! But Anna Nicole Smith, Ozzy Osbourne and Paris Hilton? These people can barely dress themselves. It\u2019s a miracle Osbourne can even sit in a chair. I\u2019m not sure Anna Nicole even has a brain. I\u2019m sure it\u2019s just ganglia. And that Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie are nothing but stone cold hoochies! They get through life by batting their eyelashes, flashing a little leg and showing their ample, young, cleavage. Wait! What the hell am I complaining about? I like it when they do that!<\/p>\n
And what about the big celebrity trials of the last decade; O.J. Simpson, Robert Blake, Martha Stewart and that freak Michael Jackson. These trials have been three ring media circuses. I mean people were cheering O.J. on while he\u2019s driving down the freeway, running from the police. Jacko admits he likes to sleep with boys and people are rooting him onward. Those ubiquitous entertainment shows were covering Blake like he\u2019s Jesus H. Christ. Hey everybody! Look at the celebrity in trouble! Let\u2019s watch the wreckage!<\/p>\n
Speaking of wreckage, I\u2019ve just seen Growing Up Gotti<\/i>. What the hell is that! Just because she\u2019s a gangster\u2019s daughter who\u2019s richer than the Vatican, we need to watch their everyday life? Now that Victoria Gotti is pretty hot, but those kids of hers need a good spanking! They gave me an Excedrin headache! Maybe I\u2019m just a simple cactus groomer\/web satirist, but people who are poor are interesting, too. Why don\u2019t we see reality shows about Fred Markowitz, the plumber; Gladys Rogers, the social worker; Austin Jackson, the sandwich artist? All we get on television these days is stupid reality shows about incredibly rich, stupid people.<\/p>\n
Our society seems to worship stupidity nowadays. What\u2019s one of the most popular shows on television? NOVA<\/i>? American Experience<\/i>? No! That airhead Jessica Simpson and her mindless reality show. Even on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno<\/i>, or Lamo as I like to call him, that Jaywalking segment celebrates mediocrity. The funniest people are the ones who completely screw things up. These human train wrecks don\u2019t know history, science, math, geography or anything else for that matter. Are you paying attention Dubya? But hey, they may be stupid, but they sure are funny! Sure they\u2019re going to crash and burn, but let\u2019s watch and be entertained.<\/p>\n
Well, I\u2019ve ranted enough for today. I\u2019ve got some cactus to groom on the back forty. Maybe I\u2019ll take a video camera with me and tape myself running into a cactus. Who knows? Maybe I\u2019ll get my own reality show. Or better yet, get elected President.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Well folks, Donald Trump had a really bad week. Speaking of train wrecks, we’ve dug up another appropriate rant by the Bucket’s resident crusty curmudgeon, Chester Einstein. In it, he complains about the abundance of reality TV shows which revel in people’s crashing, burning and wrecking all for our amusement. We think this rant was … Continue reading “Americans Sure Love Train Wrecks”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1340,61,60,8,3],"tags":[690,50,171,848,1395,684,52,199,1394,945,1396,1274,1393,79],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4888"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4888"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4888\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4890,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4888\/revisions\/4890"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4888"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4888"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4888"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}