Here’s an article from our January 13, 2007 issue.<\/p>\n
World renowned German plastic surgeon, Dr. Hans Gesichtfuk, has announced a radical new kind of plastic surgery where cell phones are implanted into the patient\u2019s skull and wired directly to the brain thus eliminating any cumbersome headgear or wires.<\/p>\n
\u201cYa, dis is a radical new surgery dat vill revolutionize plastic surgery as ve know it,\u201d said Gesichtfuk from his office in Munich. \u201cBefore you know it all de \u00fcber celebrities like Britney Spears, Madonna and Tom Arnold vill have cell phones implanted on the side of deir faces. Dis is just de first step tovard creating de perfect bionic human; a six million dollar man or voman if you vill. Soon ve vill be intergrating iPods, iTunes, and iPhones into human beings. It is truly a golden age for cutting edge plastic surgeons like me. I\u2019m not just going to be rich, I\u2019m going to be \u00fcber rich.\u201d<\/p>\n
Californian Heather Braun of Beverly Hills, California, who was one of the privileged first recipients, raved about the surgery. \u201cThis is soooooo fantastic! Now I don\u2019t have to hold a phone in my hand or anything while I\u2019m driving my Hummer. I can just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk talk all day long to all my girlfriends. It\u2019s just like I\u2019m talking to myself, but I\u2019m actually hearing other voices. The only bad thing is that sometimes reception will be bad, but all I have to do is knock myself in the head and everything clears up and I\u2019m none the worse. The only bad thing is that sometimes reception will be bad, but all I have to do is knock myself in the head and everything clears up and I\u2019m none the worse.\u201d<\/p>\n
Many Americans can\u2019t wait to have the avant-garde surgery. John Langley III of West Haverbrook, New York said, \u201cI\u2019m a big self improvement buff. I love making myself better. I\u2019m going to be the first in my country club to get this surgery. Then I\u2019m going to get a solid gold penis implant.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fred Griffin of Las Vegas, Nevada, said, \u201cMy friend Vinny is going to get the surgery, too. Man, we\u2019re going to clean up at the poker tables: Vinny sits at the table and I spy on everybody. If I wear a tin foil hat, people will think I\u2019m a homeless guy just talking to myself. This is a foolproof plan that can\u2019t possibly fail!\u201d<\/p>\n
Tiffany George of Scottsdale, Arizona said, \u201cI know I\u2019m only in high school, but I\u2019ve just got to get this surgery. I\u2019ll be like, so popular! Maybe instead of getting his stupid, life saving, heart bypass surgery Daddy can buy me this for my birthday instead.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Here’s an article from our January 13, 2007 issue. World renowned German plastic surgeon, Dr. Hans Gesichtfuk, has announced a radical new kind of plastic surgery where cell phones are implanted into the patient\u2019s skull and wired directly to the brain thus eliminating any cumbersome headgear or wires. \u201cYa, dis is a radical new surgery … Continue reading “Plastic Surgeon Offering Cell Phone Implants”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[136],"tags":[138,139,141,140,142,137],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/463"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=463"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/463\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":469,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/463\/revisions\/469"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=463"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=463"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=463"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}