{"id":237,"date":"2011-08-22T00:56:45","date_gmt":"2011-08-22T07:56:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/?p=237"},"modified":"2011-08-26T01:22:18","modified_gmt":"2011-08-26T08:22:18","slug":"protekshun-laser-armed-guard-owl","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/?p=237","title":{"rendered":"ProTekShun Laser-Armed Guard Owl"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>A SKYMart product from our August 16, 2007 issue:<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s more fun than perusing those in-flight shopping magazines and seeing fun products that everyone needs like ping pong ball cannons, solar powered face fans for your dog, and your very own life-size bronze sculpture of Simon Cowell\u2026all on sale at exorbitant prices? Not much if you ask us. That\u2019s why we\u2019re teaming with SKYMart, America\u2019s favorite in-flight <span style=\"text-decoration: line-through;\">crap merchant<\/span> shopping mart, to bring you the best in people pleasing products. So break out your credit cards and prepare yourself for debilitating debt!<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_238\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-238\" style=\"width: 500px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/?attachment_id=238\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-238\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-238\" title=\"OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA\" src=\"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/guardowl.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/guardowl.jpg 500w, http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/guardowl-300x240.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 85vw, 500px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-238\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">From the leader in high tech Home Security, comes the latest trendy gizmo to protect your home: the Laser-Armed Guard Owl. This deadly owl detects motion, sounds an audible alert and blasts away with powerful, high energy, chemical, oxygen iodine, laser beams from its watchful eyes. This cutting edge technology is available only in military weapons and our owl. It will slice through skin in seconds leaving anybody who dares to bother you in excruciating pain. Send a message to all the scumbags in your neighborhood like the paperboy, that Jehovah&#39;s Witness who comes by every week to convert you and sweet old Mrs. Applebee and her decadent, fat producing chocolate cream puffs. Guarantee privacy and security for yourself with the new Laser-Armed Guard Owl, from your friend in high tech Home Security, ProTekShun. Sale Price: only $500,000<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on the_content --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on the_content -->","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A SKYMart product from our August 16, 2007 issue: What\u2019s more fun than perusing those in-flight shopping magazines and seeing fun products that everyone needs like ping pong ball cannons, solar powered face fans for your dog, and your very own life-size bronze sculpture of Simon Cowell\u2026all on sale at exorbitant prices? Not much if &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/?p=237\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;ProTekShun Laser-Armed Guard Owl&#8221;<\/span><\/a><!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[83,82,84,98,81,24],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/237"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=237"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/237\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":245,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/237\/revisions\/245"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=237"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=237"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=237"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}