More Sports BS… Remember several years ago, when one of the major networks broadcasted a football game without any announcers. What a fantastic idea! Really, is there anything more annoying than these so called ‘experts’ and ‘pundits’ offering their colorful take on every situation during the game? The list of tolerable sports announcers has dwindled so much over the years that we’d rather have no announcers. If only Vin Scully could broadcast every game.<\/p>\n
Local Sportscasting legend Jack Brock, a fixture at Cactus Corners television station KQCK the past thirty years, has announced his retirement. Brock has been doing the ten o\u2019clock sports, the Sunday Night Sports show Jock-a-holics<\/em> and the color commentary for KQCK radio coverage of spring training games for almost thirty years. However, rumor has it that management has pressured Brock to retire due to the declining quality of his remarks especially his metaphors, which often bordered on tasteless.<\/p>\n Station manager Darrin Sprague said, \u201cJack Brock has served the community well these past thirty years. But his commentary has become, how shall I say, a little too colorful.\u00a0 We feel this move is best for everybody, especially our legal department.\u201d<\/p>\n KQCK play by play announcer Tony Loman defended Brock. \u201cThe man is a legend! He played Major League Baseball for Pete\u2019s sake. So he played five games and struck out all ten times he batted; he still made it to the big show. You got to give him props for that. I think that gives him the right to reel off all those folksy witticisms that seem to annoy everyone else on the planet. He\u2019s like a poor man\u2019s Yogi Berra; a very, very, very poor man\u2019s Yogi Berra.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCome on,\u201d said statistician Mark Clark. \u201cThe guy\u2019s a fossil! Everybody says \u2018Oh, he\u2019s a legend. Everything he says is a pearl.\u2019 The guy\u2019s just a perverted old codger who hates everything and everybody. Why this spring I dug up some fantastic stats on Barry Bonds\u2019 extra base hits while on steroids and handed it to him so he could relay the information to all our loyal fans. How did he thank me? He takes a look at it and calls me gay because I spend all my time looking up stats. Then he tosses it out of the broadcasting booth and into the stands. So what if I\u2019m a single, thirty five year old who still lives with his parents and I dream about earned run average, on base percentage and slugging percentage instead of women; is that so abnormal? Wait\u2026 don\u2019t answer that.\u201d<\/p>\n Several fans took time to remember their favorite Brock quotes from over the years. John Flanders said, \u201cMy favorite Brockism is the time he was talking about Livan Hernandez, who was a pitcher for the Giants at the time. He said he\u2019s got more pitches than a horny sailor picking up a hooker on shore leave. What a great visual!\u201d<\/p>\n Ken Gray said, \u201cI liked it when he was talking about all the foul tips hit off Mike Piazza\u2019s mask over the years. He said he\u2019s had more balls in his face than Paris Hilton. Pure class all the way!\u201d<\/p>\n Tom Willard said, \u201cI think my favorite Brock moment was back when big ol\u2019 Ted \u2018Bull\u2019 Linderman was doing play by play back in the \u201880s. Well, this light hitting shortstop named Tony Ferrara hit a home run over the left field fence and was zipping around the bases full speed. He was back at home plate before you knew it and Jack commented that Ferrara rounded the bases quicker than ol\u2019 Bull does with his wife in the bedroom. Well, all you heard on the radio was lots of cursing, a big crash and plenty of static. Turns out ol\u2019 Bull punched Brock\u2019s lights out, knocked out a press box window, and hung Brock out by his belt loops on a rusty nail outside the press box right over the stands. Brock hung there all night screaming for help until finally a janitor felt sorry for him and got him down the next morning. Man, did he have a wedgie! Ol\u2019 Bull quit after that game and joined the ice capades. And Brock\u2026well he became a broadcasting legend.\u201d<\/p>\n When asked on what he was going to do after retirement, Brock exclaimed, \u201cWhat am I going to do? Goddammit, that\u2019s a stupid question! I got one word for ya! Hookers! Lots of \u2018em! I\u2019m going down to Tijuana and do some color commentary in the ol\u2019 boudoir, if you get my drift. So long suckers!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" More Sports BS… Remember several years ago, when one of the major networks broadcasted a football game without any announcers. What a fantastic idea! Really, is there anything more annoying than these so called ‘experts’ and ‘pundits’ offering their colorful take on every situation during the game? The list of tolerable sports announcers has dwindled … Continue reading “Imagine No Announcers”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[358],"tags":[378,13,340,322],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1181"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1181"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1181\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4360,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1181\/revisions\/4360"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1181"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1181"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bilgebucket.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1181"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}