Tag Archive for Pence

The Perfidious Plot of Puritan Pence

Vice President and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, recently grabbed headlines away from Donald Trump, which isn’t easy to do nowadays. First, Pence cast the deciding vote on a bill which paves the way for defunding Planned Parenthood. Donald Trump just signed it into law. Pence is a full fledged evangelical zealot, whose religious intentions seem to be taking America back to the seventeenth century. This bill is an affront to women everywhere, but that doesn’t seem to matter to conservative christian males, who still base their views of women on the antiquated views postulated in the bible. The picture of the people (all white males) who decided women’s healthcare, which has become viral, shows that these troglodytes view women as mere possessions, who should only do household chores, have babies and shut up.

The second incident has to do with an interview Pence did back in the 2002 where he stated that he would never have dinner alone with a woman who wasn’t his wife. While many in the corporate news media defended Pence, claiming how gallant and gentlemanly this is, we here at the Bucket tend to think otherwise. We haven’t come to our atheism and our aversion to evangelical christians without experience. This is blatantly about Pence not wanting to tempt himself, which the article linked to above, addresses. There are many christians who are so sexually repressed that they can’t even say the words vagina or penis without turning twenty shades of crimson and dying of embarrassment. In their minds, sex or anything having to do with sex should not be discussed and any kind of modern thinking on contraception and birth control is wrong.

What makes Pence so dangerous is that compared to Trump, he seems reasonable. He’s becoming normalized by the media and he’s anything but normal. He is a right wing, radical, christian zealot. If he has his way, women’s rights, will be turned back a generation…or more.  We wouldn’t be surprised if Puritan Pence resurrects public shaming of women who have had an abortion or may even want an abortion; akin to making Puritan women wear a scarlet letter on their frocks. Behind that genteel smile, is a perfidious plot to take away women’s rights and return them to the kitchen, barefoot, pregnant and silent.

Vice President and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, who is boldly trying to return America to the 17th century, courageously turns down a dinner invitation from a foul temptress who has a scarlet letter A on her chest indicating that she had or was thinking about having an abortion.

Vice President and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, who is boldly trying to return America to the 17th century, courageously turns down a dinner invitation from a foul temptress who may or may not have had an abortion.

 

Pence’s Inspiration

We’ve commented before about Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence’s admiration for former Bush administration VP Dick Cheney.  Yes, Pence wants to be just like the lying, disingenuous architect of the clusterf*ck called the Iraq War in every phase including garnering an inspirational 13 percent approval rating. Way to aim high, Puritan Pence! We have no doubt that with his 17th century mindset, he’ll achieve his goal.

Vice President elect and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, vows to achieve the same lofty 13% approval ratings as his idol, Bush administration Vice President Dick Cheney.

Vice President elect and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, vows to achieve the same lofty 13% approval ratings as his idol, Bush administration Vice President Dick Cheney.

Pence Lies Like A Real Boy

The Vice Presidential debate was last night and as predicted is was pretty lackluster. What kills us is that many ‘pundits’ think Pence won the debate because he merely denied that Donald Trump said all the horrible, rotten, despicable things he has actually said during the course of the last year of this clusterf*ck that is Con-a-thon 2016. Since when did lying your ass off win you a debate? Oh that’s right, he’s Republican and the corporate news media is conservative. Hell, Republicans were claiming victory two hours ahead of the debate.

However, the Clinton campaign has released a pretty damning video showing the dishonesty and deception of Mike Pence and the Trump campaign. If Puritan Pence keeps lying like Pinocchio, he’ll severely jeopardize his chances of entering into his christian heaven.

GOP Vice President nominee, Puritan Mike Pence spins some Pinocchio-like deception by claiming Donald Trump called Mexicans therapists and not rapists.

GOP Vice Presidential candidate and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, spins some Pinocchio-like deception and dishonesty which may hinder his chances of getting into christian heaven.

Pence Loves Dick

This past week, GOP VP nominee and everyone’s favorite Puritan, Mike Pence came out of the conservative closet and proudly pronounced to all that Dick Cheney, architect of that clusterf*ck called the Iraq War, is his VP role model. If we had any respect for this man, (we didn’t), it was completely lost with this confession.

As a policy we started last year, whenever Dick Cheney appears in the press spouting his lies or one of his surrogates like Pence pops up praising him, we’d repeat Cheney’s biggest lie on Iraq. This is precisely the same strategy taken by the Bush Administration and the Republican Fear and Noise Machine, a.k.a The Republican Propaganda Network, a.k.a Fox News; to repeat things ad nauseum until the sheeple get it. Every person in America needs to see this video because it proves that at least one very influential person in the Bush Administration knew the Iraq War would be a quagmire and went ahead with it anyway saying instead that we would be greeted as liberators. Bush and Cheney are liars and need to be prosecuted! PLEASE…take time out and view this video!

Here’s another video released by the White House which shows how wrong Dick Cheney has been about everything and that his credibility level is zero. All we have to say about Cheney is WHAT A DICK!!!

Rewind: The Bush Putin Bromance

As we’ve noted before, GOP nominee Donald Trump and Russian President, Vladimir Putin have struck up quite the bromance lately. But it’s not Putin’s first bromance with a Republican President. George W. Bush and Putin developed quite a chummy relationship back during Dubya’s disastrous presidency. Bush even famously said, “I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straightforward and trustworthy. We had a very good dialogue. I was able to get a sense of his soul.”  Wow! Get a room will ya.

As a matter of fact, Trump and his VP nominee, Mike Pence, have stated that they think Putin is a stronger leader than Obama. And why wouldn’t Republicans not like the authoritarian dictator (we know he’s technically president, but come on!). Putin strong arms and bullies everyone and stifles dissent, just like Republicans. Gee, no wonder he has a high approval rating. If you disagree, you die. This is what the Republicans have been after since…well…forever; absolute power and dominance over not just this country, but the world.

There’s a reason why some people consider Putin the most dangerous man in the world; we’re talking James Bond kind of villainous. Putin sees a way to make Russia great again. Putin saw a sucker with Bush and he sees another simp in Trump. If he can cleverly get America to bite on several more disastrous quagmires like Iraq and Afghanistan, which would be likely with the hotheaded Trump in charge(we’re thinking Syria, Iran, Iraq again, North Korea, Ukraine and Mexico – basically World War III), America’s wealth would be bled away again and Russia would return to prominence in the world order.  So go ahead Trump supporters; make Russia great again and enjoy all those new wars in which you’ll be fighting. There’s a reason Millennials hate Trump; with him they have no future.

This photo-toon is from our July 19, 2007 issue.

Putin advises George W. Bush that to rid himself of pesky dissenters, just use a pinch of Polonium 210 and a dash of AK-47 and Voila.

While rekindling their romance recently in Maine, President Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin discussed possible solutions to some of their more difficult problems, like dealing with people who disagree with them.

The Peachy Keen VPs

The Vice Presidential candidates for the Democrats and Republicans couldn’t be more different from their respective running mates. Mike Pence is pretty much a modern day Puritan and the complete opposite of the bombastic and coarse Donald Trump. Tim Kaine is a walking Disney character and his squeaky clean demeanor is in contrast with the popular perceptions of Hilary Clinton as untrustworthy. Amazingly, the same adjectives are being used to describe both candidates: bland, boring, dull and our favorite, milquetoast.

We think the upcoming debate between the two candidates could be one of the biggest snooze-fests ever. Of course, it will probably be one of the most polite political events ever, too. We do have a bit of advice for the Democrats. If the Democrats don’t want another Dukakis-in-a-tank moment, do not use Kaine as an attack dog. Use Biden, Bill Clinton, Bernie Sanders or Obama to rip Trump a new one. Kaine is a nice guy. Let him be a nice guy. When he tries to be mean…it just looks bad.

GOP Vice President candidate and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, excoriates Disneyesque Democrat VP candidate, Tim Kaine, for using the g d words.words.

GOP Vice President candidate and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, excoriates Disneyesque Democrat VP candidate, Tim Kaine, for using the g d words.

Sticks And Stones

Thanks to the disastrous Trump campaign, we’re given on a daily basis such a plethora of gaffes and blunders to choose from, the satire just writes itself. Take for instance, Mike Pence recently stating that name calling has no place in politics; this from the Vice Presidential candidate of a man who’s made his living for the last year calling his opponents childish nick names like Lyin’ Ted, Little Marco and Low Energy Jeb Bush. We think ol’ Puritan Pants is a bit irony impaired.

Irony impaired GOP President and Vice President candidates, Trumpy McSmallHands and Puritan Pants blather on about how name cailling has no place in politics.

Irony impaired GOP President and Vice President candidates, Trumpy McSmallHands and Puritan Pants blather on about how name cailling has no place in politics.

The Puritan Party

Well, the RNC has come and gone and it’s been every bit a clusterf*ck as predicted. Some highlights(or lowlights): Melania Trump plagiarized Michelle Obama’s 2008 DNC speech – Trump’s campaign denied then admitted the fraud; the so called anti-Trump movement never really gets going; Pence bores everyone to sleep; a tepid endorsement from Paul Ryan; and the smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, still licking his wounds from his defeat in the Republican primaries, refuses to endorse Donald Trump. When your top celebrity endorser is Scott Baio from Joanie Loves Chachi, you know it’s bad. To top it off, Trump delivered a lie filled acceptance speech in an effort to make his supporters shit their pants in fear.  Wow! What a sucky, sucky, suck ass Party!

But one thing that is incredibly disturbing is the platform adopted by the Republicans. It looks like it was written by extremist, far right wing, evangelical christians. You might as well call the Republican Party the Puritan Party now. Among the more dismaying platform points: appoint anti-choice Supreme Court justices; legalize anti-LGBT discrimination; pass an anti-choice constitutional amendment; end funding for Planned Parenthood; repeal environmental protection laws; ignore climate change; expand fracking and burying nuclear waste; privatize Medicare; cut food stamps; require bible study in public schools and (the worst one in our opinion) make christianity the national religion. Apparently, the Republicans want to go back to the ’50s…the 1650s! The Republican party platform also bears a strong resemblance to our fascist checklist we posted several months ago. If there was any doubt before there is no doubt now; with this party platform the Republican party has gone into hard core fascist mode.

Donald Trump introduces Indiana governor and everyone's Puritan pal, Mike Pence, as his ramrod straight, pole up the ass, Vice President candidate.

Donald Trump introduces Indiana governor and everyone’s Puritan pal, Mike Pence, as his ramrod straight, pole up the ass, Vice President candidate.

Brand Recognition

On the eve of the Republican National Convention, a.k.a. The Finest Dumpster Fire The World Has Even Seen, the RNC is busy preparing themselves for what looks to be a complete clusterf*ck. Donald Trump seems to have selected Indiana governor, christian soldier and blandest man alive, Mike Pence, as his running mate. Many prominent Republicans are not even attending the convention, preferring to distance themselves from Mr. Trump. Given this, the Republican party has decided to officially assent to the rise of Trump by re-branding the party with a brand new logo which more properly reflects its current ideology: a steaming pile of patriotic shit (note the dead elephant’s trunk sticking out on top).

On the eve of the Republican convention, the GOP has revealed its brand new logo which more accurately represents its current ideology: a steaming pile of patriotic shit.

On the eve of the Republican convention, the GOP has revealed its brand new logo which more accurately represents its current ideology.

They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Discrimination And Intolerance

The nation’s outrage over Indiana’s recent law guaranteeing ‘religious freedom’ and condoning discrimination and intolerance is growing. Boycotts have been announced. Even corporations have announced that they’ll be changing their business relations with the state; which is very serious because this nation is a corporate oligarchy and business is the golden calf here. So you think with all the economic pressure coming to bear on Indiana, do you think conservative christian stalwart, Governor Mike Pence, is going to relent? Hah! No way! He stands firmly behind his decidedly non-christian behavior. Not only that, other leading candidates for the Republican nomination like Jeb Bush and Ted Cruz have announced support for Pence. Because you see, admitting that you’re wrong on anything is not something that conservative christian Republicans do. But as the christians have always stated throughout history(see Spanish Inquisition, Meso-America conquest, Native American conquest, Pacific Islander conquest, Galileo’s scientific discoveries, etc…), it’s not discrimination or intolerance when we do it; it’s God’s will. It reminds us of that old song we learned in church “They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love”, which has been conveniently updated in our photo-toon to reflect the state of modern christianity.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, approves of Indiana Governor Mike Pence's new slogan "They'll know we are Christians by our discrimination and intolerance".

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, approves of Indiana Governor Mike Pence’s new slogan “They’ll know we are Christians by our discrimination and intolerance”.