Tag Archive for football

Rewind: Top Excuses For 2006 Arizona Cardinals

February 3, 2012 bb_admin Articles:Sports BS, BilgeBucket Lists

Back to our Sports BS… and picking on the pre-Ken Whisenhunt Arizona Cardinals. Here’s a BilgeBucket List from our November 13, 2006 issue.

Well it’s November so that means the football Cardinals are battling it out for the cellar of their division. Since the Cardinals moved to the Valley of the Sun in 1988, they’ve had one winning season in 1998 with a record of 9-7. They did win a first round playoff game against the Cowboys that year, but come on; this team bites it! Year in and year out, this teams finds a way to lose! Playing in a brand new stadium, the Cardinals are 1-8 and are the worst team in the NFL. What’s the one constant lo these many years: dweebish owner Bill Bidwell. So we say to Mr. Bidwell, do the football fans of Arizona a favor and just sell this team already! Now that our soapbox moment has passed, we present the top excuses for this year’s Cardinals team.

  • Our new multi-million dollar stadium is nice but we need a newer one if we’re going to have a winning record
  • The opponents make funny faces and we start laughing
  • We can’t seem to play well if people are watching us
  • We are grossly underpaid
  • Matt Leinart is distracted by all the commercial scripts he’s got to memorize
  • We can’t run because our cheerleaders keep giving us boners
  • Coach Green scares us
  • It’s too damn hot here!
  • We keep thinking about those BBQ Ribs at Mr. B’s Bowtie Barbecue
  • We’re still recovering from quarterback Jim Hart’s retirement in the early ‘80s
  • We need a mascot a little more intimidating than an 8 inch, seed eating, red bird; we’re friggin’ football players damn it!
  • We’re blinded by Bill Bidwell’s incandescent charisma

 

No comments , , , ,

The Wide World of $ports

January 31, 2012 bb_admin Articles:Sports BS

The biggest sporting event in America occurs this weekend when the New England Patriots meet the New York Giants in Super Bowl XLVI. What a perfect time to reflect on the BS which is professional sports. We’re presenting archived articles all this week which celebrate the follies of the pro sporting world and the people who cover it. Besides we need a break from all the political BS happening now in Con-a-thon 2012. Does anybody really care about the Republican debates or primaries any more? We support Newt Gingrich’s moon base if we can put all the Republican candidates there forever.

Speaking of the New England Patriots, here’s an article from our February 13, 2005 issue, right after Super Bowl XXXIX. Amazingly, Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long and Jimmy Johnson are still …shoveling it…broadcasting every Sunday on the NFL on Fox. Thank goodness for the mute button.

Fox Sportscasters Agree: Patriots Are A ‘Dynasty’

Last week, the New England Patriots captured their third Super Bowl in four years by beating the Philadelphia Eagles 24-21 in Super Bowl XXXIX in Jacksonville, Florida. Almost 86 million people tuned into watch as the Fox Sportscasting team of James Brown, Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long and Jimmy Johnson discussed the Patriots victory.

Bradshaw declared forcefully, “There is no doubt that the Patriots are a ‘Dynasty’. Look, they’ve won three out of the last four Super Bowls. To me that says ‘Dynasty’ and I’m not talking about the 1980’s T.V. show.”

“Uh-huh,” agreed Brown.

“No question about it,” said Long. “Anytime a team can win back to back Super Bowls, you have to start talking ‘Dynasty’. I mean Jimmy knows all about dynasties because he had the last ‘Dynasty’ back in the ’90s with the Cowboys. You won three out of four Super Bowls from ’92 to ’96. That is a ‘Dynasty’.”

“Yes we did,” said Johnson. “And yes this is a ‘Dynasty’, no doubt about it. The Patriots have won three out of the last four Super Bowls. If there was any doubt before this Super Bowl, there shouldn’t be any now. The Patriots are the new ‘Dynasty’ in the NFL.”

“Uh-huh,” agreed Brown.

“Now don’t forget my ‘Dynasty’ back in the ’70s with the Pittsburgh Steelers,” said Bradshaw. “We won four Super Bowls in six years. We were a ‘Mega-Dynasty’. But I’d definitely have to say the Patriots have a good chance of beating that because they are the new NFL ‘Dynasty’. I mean they’ve won three out of the last four Super Bowls.”

“Absolutely,” said Johnson. “They are a ‘Dynasty’. And they have a chance to be a ‘Mega-Dynasty’. They’re off to a great start with three Super Bowl wins in the last four years.”

“Uh-huh,” agreed Brown.

“Yes, they are definitely the first ‘Dynasty’ of the new millennium,” said Long.

“Absolutely!” said Bradshaw. “They are the new millennium’s first NFL ‘Dynasty’.”

“No doubt about it,” said Johnson. “Three Super Bowl victories in four years. They are a ‘Dynasty’.”

By this time most of the 86 million viewers had turned the channel to watch the special Super Bowl Edition of the Antique Road Show.

 

No comments , , , , , , ,
  Recent Entries »