Tag Archive for economy

Romney Creates Jobs…IN CHINA!

We came across an interesting article while surfing the ‘interwebs’. It appears, GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, who has been spouting off on how we should stop shipping jobs to China, is…drum role please…shipping jobs to China! Yes, it appears that one of the companies Bain capital harvested, Sensata, which makes sensors for automobiles, announced it is closing a factory in Freeport, Ill., and sending the manufacturing jobs to China. The full story can be read at this LINK. Yes, Romney continues to show us why he belongs in a used car lot and not the White House.

GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, compassionately tells an American worker of job opportunities in China.

 

Conservatives Without Conservation

We read an article online ranking the worst environmental presidents in history and to no one’s surprise, ol’ Dubya ranked as the worst. And not surprisingly, many Republican presidents were equally as bad (St. Ronald Reagan was 2nd). There’s not a lot of conservation in today’s conservative. Why can’t more Republicans see the environment like Teddy Roosevelt did: something to be preserved for future generations to enjoy. Oh that’s right: there’s money to be made.

Here’s an article from our August 14, 2003 issue, back when Dubya was in favor of corporate sponsorship of our National Parks. Talk about putting the wolves in the sheep pen.

Exxon-Mobil To Sponsor Yellowstone Park

As part of President Bush’s plan to outsource federal jobs to the private sector, Yellowstone National Park will now be sponsored by Exxon-Mobil.

“We are very pleased with this development,” said President Bush. “This will cut federal costs and will result in the park running more efficiently.” He paused and then added, “Oh and we’ll also get to drill for more Texas tea.”

Exxon-Mobil spokesman, Walter B. Jamieson said, “This will be the greatest park in the world. We’ll put in some roller coasters, five star hotels, and world class shopping. Of course, the wildlife will be perfectly preserved. They’ll be placed in zoos. And get this, the kids will get to pet, feed and kill their own buffaloes. What a deal!”

Yellowstone visitor, eight year old, Kimmy Taylor was excited about the new park. “This park is so boring now. I can’t wait to ride the new rides, play arcade games and plug a buffalo.”

Exxon-Mobil employees will be stationed throughout the park, guiding tourists to shopping, pointing out old points of interest and explaining why privatization of national parks is a good, necessary, patriotic thing to do.

Park officials also plan to open up drill sites to tourists so they can see a good old fashioned oil strike. “If you think Ol’ Faithful was something,” said Jamieson. “Wait until you get a load of a gusher spurting that beautiful black gold into the air. Oh God! Oh God!!! What a sight!!!!” Jamieson then excused himself and went to the bathroom to masturbate.

Other proposed corporate sponsorships include: Georgia-Pacific Redwood National Park, Texaco Zion National Park, and Phelps Dodge Grand Canyon National Park.

Austerity Fashions

Austerity seems to be the big buzz word in America right now with the economy limping along and no real turn around in sight. People are tightening their belts(if they have them) and looking ways to make ends meet. Here’s a photo-toon from December 29, 2008 issue which depicts the possible return of a fashion option from the Great Depression.

Fashion designers have brought back an old favorite for the current economic downturn.

 

Invertebrate-in-Chief

President Obama sure is making it difficult for his supporters to maintain confidence in him. Just this past week, he postponed his jobs speech to satisfy a few GOP whiners and caved into industry and their Republican lackeys by withdrawing support for EPA supported regulations, which would have tightened pollution controls (breathing clean air is overrated anyway, right). He’s also considering capitulating to Big Oil and supporting the Tar Sands Keystone XL Pipeline, which would bring oil from Canada down through the central plains of United States to Texas to be refined (let the oil addiction continue). Not exactly the environmentally friendly, alternative energy boosting person he portrayed himself to be. At this rate, Obama may have to pull an LBJ and announce that he will not seek re-election for a second term. But then again, look at the leading GOP candidates. Yep! The 2012 election will be one titanic joke.

President Obama, like many of his fellow Democrats, seems to be regressing into an invertebrate.

 

Support Your Local Millionaires

It’s August and like the weather, the pennant races are heating up. Surprisingly, the Arizona Diamondbacks are in first place in the National League West. We applaud this plucky team, especially hard nosed manager Kirk Gibson. This was a group of slackers who, thanks to Gibson’s guidance, have decided to compete this summer. But we were reading an article in the local online rag, that since they were doing so well, the players expected more people to be attending the games. Attendance has been pretty mediocre for a first place team and some players and front office types were expressing disappointment that more people weren’t attending games. Are athletes and execs that far removed from the sufferings of average citizens? It’s not that people don’t want to come. It’s because they can’t afford to come. This is a bad economy. People are struggling just to pay their bills and keep their houses. And the seats at Chase Field are not cheap. Let’s say a family of four wants to attend a game and sit in seats close to the field down the third base line in left field. The tickets alone will cost over $100 dollars. And then there’s the concessions. A hot dog and coke will run you $10. If you include parking expenses, a day at the ol’ ball game will probably end up costing the family close to $200. Not quite like the good ol’ days. Oh well. On second thought, who are we to interfere with conventional wisdom and people’s priorities. So, go ahead and skip making your mortgage payment, paying your electric bill or eating and get out there and support your local millionaires! Maybe they’ll get a clue.

Sports fans will sacrifice anything in order to support their local millionaires.

 

A Reading From The Book of Profits

GOP Presidential candidates Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry have emerged as front runners in the Republican race. Both candidates are fervent evangelical christians, claim to have an intimate relationship with God, and are very popular with the Republican base, which consists of scores of evangelical christians.  Preachers like James Dobson, Pat Robertson and all those PTL preachers on TBN sure do rake in a lot of money. Isn’t it funny that all the preachers on television are impeccably dressed and can afford to build theme parks, finance movies and creationism museums. But just like many corporations, churches don’t pay taxes.  What a convenient, lucrative loophole! We think that in order to participate in the political process, you should at least pay taxes. And then there’s the prosperity gospel. Prosperity theology teaches that a combination of faith, positive speech, and donations to christian ministries(of course) will always cause an increase in material wealth…material wealth for the preachers that is. According to the little known Book of Profits, the churches can fleece their flocks with Jesus’ blessing. What makes this even more preposterous is that the biblical Jesus was pretty much a socialist and these hypocrites worship him as their lord and savior. Well, I guess if Bachmann and Perry make it to the White House (Zeus help us all!), at least they’ll have Americans ready for the Rapture. Hallelujah!

Here’s an old Pic O’ The Week photo-toon from our November 16, 2008 issue that addresses the teachings of capitalist Jesus.

Some conservative christian Republicans have lately been touting the little known capitalist teachings of Jesus.

Corporations Are People, Too

Republican Presidential candidate Mitt(or Spiff, as we at the Bucket call him) Romney was heckled, jeered and hooted at in Iowa the other day when he said in a speech that ‘corporations are people’.  We applaud this fine gesture but we think, since there are many farms in the Hawkeye state, the people should have also heaved some manure at the ol’ Spiffster.

Speaking of heaving crap, in 2010, the Supreme Court said basically that ‘corporations are people, too’ when they ruled that corporations should not be limited in the amount of money they can contribute to political campaigns. So this means that corporate America can use their immense wealth to greatly influence elections so that lackeys(Teabaggers anyone?) who support their agenda(tax cuts anyone?) will get elected. This kind of government is called a plutarchy, which is a combination of plutocracy and an oligarchy. And a plutarchy pretty much means the average citizen is royally screwed.

Depending on your source, it’s estimated that 50-60% of corporations pay no income taxes. In 2009, companies like GE, Bank of America, Citigroup and Valero paid no income taxes whatsoever while making billions of dollars in profits.  Now that’s patriotism!  So much for that saying ‘with great power comes great responsibility’. Well, we say if ‘corporations are people, too’ then they can start paying more taxes. Teabaggers keep blathering about returning to the good ol’ days of the ’50s. How about the 90% tax rate that the top tier paid during the Eisenhower(Republican) administration for starters. That would surely jump start a lot of infrastructure projects. But then again our corporate overlords wouldn’t get their million dollar bonuses and we absolutely need our tycoons happy or else they won’t create jobs for us peons. The Corporate States of America: for the corporation by the corporation, with liberty and justice for plutocrats.

Supreme Court Justice John Roberts wears the new NASCAR inspired logo robes which will now be worn by all conservative justices.

The Great Compromiser

You’ve got to feel for President Obama. For the last three years, he’s reached across the aisle, bending over backwards trying to accommodate Republicans with deals that appeal to both sides, attempting to find a common middle ground and what does he get? A bunch of whiny, obstinate, partisan, GOP, crybabies acting like two year olds who won’t agree to anything he offers, because they’re being pressured from the supposedly “financially responsible” Teabaggers(who are being propped up by deep pocketed corporations), who apparently don’t have any memory that they supported the fiscal malfeasance of Obama’s predecessor, George W. Bush. (Gee, we don’t sound bitter do we?) While we here at the Bucket admire his attempts (and his patience), we think that sometimes you just have to slap the stubborn, sniveling brats upside the head and make them mind. Unfortunately, for Obama, his three years of bending over backwards has left him in an uncompromising position; not the best way to celebrate the big 5-0.

Three years of bending over backwards trying to compromise with whiny, partisan, GOP congressman has left President Obama in an uncompromising position.

 

Rep. Oompa Loompa

Speaker of the House and Chief Oompa Loompa, John Boehner, following the debacle of the debt ceiling talks breakdown this past week, addressed the American people late last night with a message of hope …for corporate America.

Republican Speaker of the House and Chief Oompa Loompa John Boehner tells the American people the GOP’s economic plan for America.