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Rewind: Dubya’s 2007 SOTU Speechifying

American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump finally gave his State of the Union address this past week after having it postponed due to the shutdown of the government for 35 days  because he wanted his unnecessary border wall. In typical Republican fashion, he pleaded for unity while simultaneously bashing the Democrats for the Russia probe or as Don the Con called it ‘partisan investigations’.

This reminded us of a similar State of the Union address by none other than ol’ Dubya after the GOP got thumped in the 2006 elections because of the Republicans’ disastrous policies during the Bush administration. In that SOTU, Bush trashed the Democrats while all of a sudden supporting things like healthcare and climate change. (For a hilarious breakdown of that 2007 event, watch Jon Stewart’s classic video…belly laughs even after 12 years!).  Of course, all the corporate media, including late night comedians like David Letterman, could focus on was how many times new Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi blinked her eyes. We even made a photo-toon having fun with it, which we’ve rehashed below with our article about Dubya’s speechifying.

But Nancy Pelosi performed very well during this SOTU with her sarcastic clapback. We hope that Ms. Pelosi’s strong attitude toward the Republicans continues. The last thing we need is four more years of the orange haired man child in the White House, which is what happens if the Democrats let the Republicans control the narrative in the media like they’ve done too many times in the past.

It has become crystal clear: the Republicans are no longer the party of Lincoln. They aren’t even the party of Eisenhower or even Reagan. The last two Republican commanders-in-chief, Bush and Trump, have been the worst presidents since World War II and that’s including Nixon, he of the Watergate break-ins who was ‘not a crook’. The GOP is a broken, criminal party and shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near government ever again. Like we’ve mentioned before: modern day Republicans don’t want small government, they want NO GOVERNMENT! And they just proved it with the longest government shutdown in history!

This article is from our January 31, 2007 issue.

Bush Addresses Nation; To ‘Surge’ On Healthcare, Global Warming

At his State of the Union address last week, President Bush touched upon many issues like the war in Iraq, the economy, and two issues that have suddenly become very important for him; healthcare and global warming.

After introducing new Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, Bush got down to business. “We’ve got a new Democrat congress so I’ll dumb it down a little bit this year. Heh-heh. People we need to give ‘Surge’ a chance. Now there are some people who think we need to leave Iraq, like the Democrats, the Republicans, the Iraqi Study Group, the Iraqis, a majority of people in the World, and even one of my dogs, Ms. Beazley…the damn bitch. Now I acknowledge their opinion, but since I’m the Decider, we will stay in Iraq whether they like it or not. And we will confront any Iranians which may be trying to influence the Iraqi government. You see, only we can meddle in other country’s affairs. It’s not only in the Constitution but God told me so. Remember, I’m tight with the Big Guy.”

“And speaking of ‘Surge’,” continued Bush. “Did you like my little segue? Pretty cool, huh. Anyhoo, we need to not only ‘Surge’ on our new way forward, we need to ‘Surge’ ahead on the very real threat of global warming. Now I know what you’re all thinking, ‘Who’s going to win that swell Super Bowl game?’ Well folks, I think the best defense is a good offense, which is precisely our strategy in the Middle East. See how everything comes around. Wait a second… my train of thought derailed.” Bush then excused himself, turned and talked to Vice President Cheney, who hit himself in the forehead with his hand and brusquely reprimanded the President while Nancy Pelosi blinked in disbelief.

After a few seconds of confusion, Bush continued his address. “Like I was saying. We need to ‘Surge’ ahead on stopping global warming. That’s why I’m proposing we spend a whopping one thousand dollars to combat this menace. I also propose a New Way Forward Health Plan which will make health insurance affordable to all Americans…with an income over $100,000 a year. The rest of you will just have to work harder. Fortunately, the economy is going like gangbusters. Plus, according to our new federal accountants, who, by the way, did the books over at Enron, we’ve only got a deficit of $250 billion now. By next year it’ll be gone. See tax cuts to the rich do work.”

“I’d like to close by saying, I’m taking the Colts by ten. Oh, I almost forgot. Terror. Terror. Terror. 9/11. 9/11. 9/11. God Bless America only!”

Afterwards, the President addressed his many critics. “A lot of people were disappointed that I didn’t mention anything in my speech about New Orleans. Well, I was going to mention them but the Saints lost to the Bears so I lost that reference. Why else would I mention New Orleans? Did something important happen there in the past couple of years that I should know about?”

President Bush gives a warm welcome to members of both parties at the 2007 State of the Union address. Vice President Cheney and new Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, react in the background.

President Bush gives a warm welcome to members of both parties at the 2007 State of the Union address. Vice President Cheney and new Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, react in the background.

Stoney The Pinhead

Roger Stone has been plastered all over the news lately as the FBI raided his house last week and arrested the Trump crony and confidant in connection with lying about pursuing Russian hacked emails related with Hillary Clinton during the 2016 presidential election. Predictably, now Stone has been making the rounds whining about what a victim he is. A judge has even suggested a gag order to shut him up.

Stone is one weird, weird individual. He describes himself as an ‘agent provocateur’If anybody calls themselves an ‘agent provocateur’, run; run away fast – because that person is a colossal douchebag. Stone also has a tattoo of one of the most corrupt politicians of all time, Richard Nixon, on his back. Because of his admiration of Nixon, he proudly calls himself a ‘dirty trickster’, which may now get him in hot water with the Mueller investigation. Many jokes have been made about his attire, which transform him into some bizarre steampunk Batman villain.

But what made our jaws drop was the recent visage of Stone in profile. Now, we understand why he wears all those stupid hats. The Nixon fanboy’s skull is shaped like a traffic cone. He possesses the sloping forehead of a mythical caveman. Then it dawned on us who he really looked like; classic comic strip icon, Zippy the Pinhead, drawn by Bill Griffith. Googling ‘Roger Stone Zippy the Pinhead’, we found we weren’t the first to notice the similarity. But Holy Shit…look at that head shape! Considering that Stone is a human and Zippy is a cartoon, the resemblance is remarkable! Isn’t it interesting that the main stream corporate media never shows Stone in profile and always from the front or with his cone noggin covered with his goofy hats.

Trump crony, Nixon aficionado and self described agent provocateur (translation: asshole), Roger Stone bears a striking resemblance to another coneheaded being, classic comic strip icon Zippy the Pinhead.

Trump crony, Nixon aficionado and self described agent provocateur (translation: asshole), Roger Stone bears a striking resemblance to another coneheaded being, classic comic strip icon Zippy the Pinhead.

Let Them Get A Loan

Wow! Is Wilbur Ross clueless or what?! We’ve commented before about the Secretary of Commerce’s absolute lack of knowledge about foreign countries like Saudi Arabia. But this inane plutocrat showed off a stunning lack of empathy or insight into the plight of the average American, many who are living paycheck to paycheck. As the Trump government shutdown has dragged on for over a month, many federal employees were working for free! Some were having difficulties paying their mortgages, bills or even feeding their families.

Enter Wilbur Ross, spoiled plutocrat. Last week during the Trump government shutdown, Wilbuuuuurrr noted that instead of standing in line for food, federal workers ought to suck it up and go get a nice low interest loan while their not getting their paychecks. What sound financial advice! That’s right, poor person. Go try and get a loan that you probably can’t get because you’re already in debt up to your eyeballs. While you’re at it, maybe  get a loan for a yacht or maybe even by that dream cottage in the Hamptons. What a compassionate conservative!

This was Wilbuuuuurrr’s ‘Let Them Eat Cake’ moment and we think good ol’ Mr. Ed would probably be able to explain it best to this insipid, uncaring, out of touch bonehead of a plutocrat.

Talking horse and connoisseur of the name Wilbuuuuurrr, Mr. Ed, explains to Secretary of Commerce and 'compassionate' conservative plutocrat, Wilbuuuuurrrr Ross, that his suggestion to federal workers, who are barely squeaking by during Trump's government shutdown, that they should just suck it up and get a loan was colossally clueless.

Talking horse and connoisseur of the name Wilbuuuuurrr, Mr. Ed, explains to Secretary of Commerce and ‘compassionate’ conservative plutocrat, Wilbuuuuurrrr Ross, that his suggestion to federal workers, who are barely squeaking by during Trump’s government shutdown, that they should just suck it up and get a loan was colossally clueless.

Turtle Boy’s Disappearing Act

Senate Majority Leader and mutant Turtle Boy, Mitch McConnell, has once again pulled his patented disappearing act during the current record setting Trump government shutdown, which is coming up on the one month mark. We’ve remarked before on Turtle Boy’s uncanny ability to avoid responsibility when news first emerged about Russia’s involvement with the Trump campaign in December 2016. And who can forget after the 2012 election, the talks to avoid the dreaded fiscal cliff. We usually don’t like to repeat photo-toons, but when we got one that works, we stick with it.

McConnell refuses to act as a leader of the Senate and stand up to Trump. He has twice blocked votes against ending the shutdown. Apparently Turtle Boy doesn’t care about the government workers scraping by to pay their mortgages (or food) and working for free because hey…it ain’t hurting him. What a compassionate conservative! He’s also up for re-election in 2020 and since Trump is more popular than he is in Kentucky, he has courageously disappeared and decided not to rock the boat. Way to go, Turtle Boy!

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a ‘Turtle Boy’, boldly performs his patented turtle act to avoid any responsibility for ending the record setting Trump government shutdown.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a ‘Turtle Boy’, boldly performs his patented turtle act to avoid any responsibility for ending the record setting Trump government shutdown.

Hamberder Heaven

America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, recently make a big deal that the Clemson national championship football team was making a visit to the White House. So did billionaire Trump break out the bucks to entertain these athletic lads with a fine dining experience? In true Trumpian fashion, he treated them to piles and piles of hamburgers and other junk foods from fast food chains. We guess he just assumed that since he loves this crap, everybody else must do it as well.

Trump also glaringly lied about the numbers served saying one time 300 hamburgers were served. Then he tweeted hilariously that a 1000 ‘hamberders’ were served.  So if Trump isn’t lying, he’s misspelling…hugely. There’s that old adage that says “You are what you eat.” Well apparently, Trump is a pile of junk food.

America's CEO/Dictator and junk food and 'hamberder' aficionado, Donald Trump, proves that you are what you eat.

America’s CEO/Dictator and junk food and ‘hamberder’ aficionado, Donald Trump, proves that you are what you eat.

The New Flake In Town

The new members of the Senate and House have been sworn in and with it an old familiar face is back on the American scene. Utah’s ‘new’ Senator replacing useless, senile fossil, Orrin Hatch, is none other than Spiff Romney, 2012 GOP presidential candidate and used car salesman extraordinaire. The Spiffster dominated our Conathon 2012 coverage with his gleaming white Pepsodent smile and promises to serve the people, and by people we of course mean corporations.

Romney appears to be taking up the mantle of his departed fellow Mormon, Arizona’s own Jeff Flake, in that he immediately wrote a ‘scathing’ article critical of Donald Trump. Really???!!! Even Trump saw through that one, calling Spiff the new Flake in one of his temper tantrum tweets. It didn’t take long for Romney to show what a feckless adversary he would be by remaining mum on of the current border wall bullshit.

As if on cue, the corporate media announced that Romney and Nebraska’s Ben ‘Sassy Boy’ Sasse are the GOP’s new ‘mavericks’.  Really???!!! And people still think the corporate media is liberal in bias? Only conservative entities would brand these two stick in the muds as ‘mavericks’. So we’re wagering that in the next two years both Romney and Sasse will be promoted as ‘sane’ alternatives when the S.S. Trump eventually sinks and corporations are looking for new lackeys to promote the Republican, plutocrat and corporate media mantra of ‘tax cuts for the rich, screw all others’. Ahhhh! The capitalism con game continues!

Former GOP candidate and new feckless Senator, Spiff Romney, proclaims himself to be the new Jeff Flake who will bloviate against and then boldly cave in to every demand of America's CEO/Dictator Donald Trump.

Former GOP candidate and new feckless Senator, Spiff Romney, proclaims himself to be the new Jeff Flake who will bloviate against and then boldly cave in to every demand of America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump.

These Boots Were Made For Kicking Ass

We’ve decided to kick off the new year with a positive, non-Trump (or at least a minimal-Trump) post. Since the Democrats are now in charge of the House and Nancy Pelosi is set to become the Speaker of the House, we’re feeling a lot better about perhaps some justice coming to American CEO/Dictator and ill-tempered man child, Donald Trump, after two years of lies and corruption from his administration.

But in the mean time, let’s devote a little time to one of our favorite people here at the Bucket, Michelle Obama. The former First Lady has been making the rounds promoting her best selling book, Becoming. But she caused quite a sensation recently when she showed up to an event wearing a pair of $4000 designer boots. Now we adhere to the Henry David Thoreau mantra of “Simplify, Simplify” so we all think that’s a bit much to be paying for a pair of shoes. Staff member and living fossil Chester Einstein grumbles about paying $20 for a pair of loafers at Payless. But we’re also aware that conservative Republicans, who preach austerity to their sheeple, regularly go out and spend gobs of money on extravagant, expensive material possessions (see Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, The Bushes, etc…). For instance, take current First Lady Melania Trump…please. She regularly wears glitzy, lavish, ostentatious clothing: remember her ‘fashionable’ “I don’t really care, do u” jacket. But then Republicans bitch anytime Democrats spend even a little bit of money. Sean Hannity and the faux journalists at Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, threw a memorable hissy fit when Barack Obama ordered spicy mustard for his burger back in 2009. Oh the humanity!!!

So although we pinch pennies better than Jack Benny, we think Michelle Obama looked fantastic and we say “Go get ’em!”  Who can forget her classy speech from the 2016 election when she said, “When they go low, we go high.” For normal, sane humans who believe in civilized society, these words are inspirational and right in line with the golden rule. But right wing, conservative, ‘christian’ Republicans only mocked and derided her. So, we’d like to suggest an minor update to our favorite First Lady for dealing with today’s Trumpian Republicans: “When they go low…put on some shiny pointy toe boots and kick their f***ing asses.”

Former First Lady Michelle Obama has updated her mantra from the 2016 election to now say when they go low just put on some shiny pointy toe boots and kick their f***king asses

Former First Lady Michelle Obama has updated her mantra from the 2016 election to include some ass kicking of modern day Trumpian Republicans.

Stephen Miller’s Fascist Hairstyles

America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, has taken ownership of the government shutdown all because he wants his precious border wall, which only right wing, anti-immigrant fascists want and a majority of Americans think shouldn’t be a priority. Like the stubborn man child he is, he’s hunkered down in the White House acting like the petulant megalomaniac he is, sending out pitiful ‘poor me’ tweets on Christmas Eve.

But what was really funny was when he recently sent out his Joseph Goebbels-in-training, Stephen Miller, to make the rounds advocating the border wall. In typical dickhead fashion, Miller humorlessly drove home his bullshit on news while sporting what looked to be spray on hair. Of course, the media took notice and mocked his horrible fashion sense. But maybe Stephen Miller has a future as a fashion icon for the alt-right authoritarian movement. We can definitely see a whole line of Stephen Miller hairstyles of the spray on variety for the fascist dickhead in your family.

Stephen Miller, ‘senior’ advisor to American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and alt-right wunderkind, has come out with fashionable hairstyles for the fascist dickhead in your family.

Stephen Miller, ‘senior’ advisor to American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and alt-right wunderkind, has come out with fashionable hairstyles for the fascist dickhead in your family.

Trump’s New Babysitter

Chief of Staff John Kelly has announced that he is leaving the clusterf*ck that is the Trump administration by January 2nd, 2019. This has brought about another crisis for America’s CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, who hasn’t been able to find anyone who wants the job. Nick Ayers, Mike Pence’s chief of staff, was considered first but he declined. Other names floated around were Trump’s Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner and his own daughter Ivanka. Not even colossal sycophant Chris ‘Suckinupagus’ Christie wants this lousy job.

Enter OMB director, carnival barker and corporate lackey, Mick Mulvaney, who has been named interim chief by Trump. The Mickster has shown shameless shilling skills for the moneyed elite in the past, so he’s comfortable dealing with spoiled rich plutocrats who want to have their way at any and all costs. Mulvaney is such a hypocrite he called Trump a ‘terrible human being’ just days before the 2016 election, but yet he’s decided now to take the position. But the honeymoon is over before it started for Mulvaney as Trump has already voiced complaints about him because of the video. Yes, we’re thinking that Mulvaney could be gone before 2019 even gets started.

OMB director, carnival barker and corporate lackey, Mick Mulvaney, shows what a hypocritical twit he is by becoming America's CEO/Dicator Donald Trump's new Chief of Staff/babysitter.

OMB director, carnival barker and corporate lackey, Mick Mulvaney, has been named the new Chief of Staff/babysitter for America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant child, Donald Trump.

Oval Office Follies

The big story this week was the Oval Office budget meeting between America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump, Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence and Democratic House and Senate leaders Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer. We’ve had our doubts about both Pelosi and Schumer because they’re both corporatists who do their fair share of cozying up to moneyed interests and they’ve shown in the past a willingness to cave in a little too quickly to Republican demands (like many other Democrats have done in the past twenty years, i.e. the Iraq War, Patriot Act, etc…).

But we’ve got to admit that we like what we saw from Pelosi and Schumer. They made Trump look like a buffoon by getting him to take ownership of any looming government shutdown on video for the whole country to see. Meanwhile, Mike Pence sat like a bump on a log in his chair, doing absolutely zilch, zippo, nada, bupkis, diddly-squat. We love all the Pence memes that are making the rounds this past week. We like that comment that he looked like he was at a strip club. Yes, America… if Trump is impeached, then we’ll be in the stoic, ultra-conservative hands of Puritan Pence, which gives no sane person in America a warm fuzzy.

In a recent Oval Office budget meeting with Democratic House leader Nancy Pelosi, Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence tries to keep his thoughts pure while America's CEO/Dictator Donald Trump tries to keep his thoughts empty.

America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence use impressive conservative skills to outmaneuver Democratic House leader Nancy Pelosi in a recent Oval Office budget meeting.