Search results for Ben Carson

Ben Carson’s Slavery Alternative Facts

We knew from Con-a-thon 2016 that Ben Carson was pretty inept, but Wow! Despite warning everyone that he wasn’t qualified to hold a cabinet position, Carson accepted CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s appointment to be secretary of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) even though Carson had no qualifications.

Well in his first official address, Carson brought out some big time alternative facts by stating that African Americans came to America as immigrants ‘to a land of dreams and opportunity’. Yeah that’s right everyone. In the warped minds of conservatives, slaves were coming voluntarily to America to work their dream jobs of working sun up to sun down every day for no pay and maybe some food and water if they worked hard enough (thirty lashes if they didn’t). Remember when Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly tried to push that crap that slavery wasn’t all that bad on the public last year. Well, Ben Carson is now drinking the Kool-Aid and blathering this crap to the masses, thus proving how truly unqualified he is. Seriously, how was this man a brain surgeon. We wouldn’t even allow him to cut our steaks let alone cut into our brains.

Actor Samuel L. Jackson had the best retort to Carson’s inanity. He responded on Twitter ““OK!! Ben Carson …. I can’t! Immigrants ? In the bottom of SLAVE SHIPS??!!” Later he doubled down by stating “It strikes me as misguided, and, more than anything, for a person that is supposed to be as smart as he is, it smacks of ignorance. If you cannot proofread something and see for yourself that there is something wrong with this, then you really don’t need to be where you are, and you should probably do us all a favor and resign and go off into obscurity.” Bravo Samuel L. Jackson!!! We’d really like to see his character from Pulp Fiction, hitman Jules Winnfield, take up the issue with sleepy purveyor of alternative facts, Ben Carson.

Samuel L. Jackson's character from Pulp Fiction, Jules Winnfield, takes issue with Ben Carson's alternative fact that African Americans came to America as immigrants in the bottom of slave ships.

Samuel L. Jackson’s character from Pulp Fiction, Jules Winnfield, takes issue with Ben Carson’s alternative fact that African Americans came to America as immigrants in the bottom of slave ships.

Ben Carson: Truth Doctor

As predicted, the joke that is Con-a-thon 2016 is living up to expectations. The Donald no longer is the front runner and there is a new flavor of the month in the lead. That distinction now belongs to famed evangelical neurosurgeon Ben Carson. Unbelievably, this man has risen to the top of the GOP heap and in some polls(we suspect extremely errant polls) he’s even ahead of Hilary Clinton. Of course, all this despite Dr. Carson uttering the most non-sensical crap ever to spew forth from a presidential candidate’s mouth. But then you can never be too crazy with this year’s candidates in the Republican clown car. Seriously folks, the things that Carson has said are just mind-blowingly inane.

It appears that Dr. Carson is a pathological fabricator. He claims that he was excessively violent as an ‘impoverished’ child but no one who knew him back then can corroborate his story. He also falsely claimed to have applied for and been accepted to West Point. And this so called man of science doesn’t believe in evolution and thinks the Big Bang is a fairy tale.

In addition, it has recently been documented how that his house is basically a temple to himself. This follows along with the prosperity gospel being taught by many of today’s evangelical preachers, which is why the christian Tea Baggers are nuts for him…you know…because he believes in Jeebus. This despite his actions and viewpoints being mostly against anything Jesus ever said or did. But christians are authoritarians and when someone in authority, like Dr. Carson, says something, the good little sheep believe and obey. And of course, the authoritarian dictating his doctrines, like Dr. Carson, believes the truth is whatever he says it is.

Do Americans really want this chronic fibber as their leader? Well Dubya was president for eight years, so maybe they miss all the lies and deceptions. America is pretty dysfunctional in that respect. We’ve got another year to go in this travesty of democracy so we guess anything can happen. Maybe Jim Gilmore will come out of nowhere and be the next Republican flavor of the month.

Dr. Ben Carson explains that the Pyramids were for storing grain and the Great Wall of China was a big roller coaster much to the delight of his evangelical Teabagger followers.

New GOP frontrunner, Dr. Ben Carson, proclaims to all his evangelical Teabagger sheeple that the truth is pretty much what he says it is.

Bedtime For Ben

A simple post today…evangelical and Teabagger darling, Dr. Ben Carson, suspended his presidential campaign last week, in the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016, to pursue his true passion…napping. Pleasant dreams, Dr. Carson. It was very interesting to …. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Ben Carson quits his presidential campaign to pursue his true passion...napping.

Ben Carson’s campaign summary – zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Oreo Dreams

This past week an event took place that looked like it came from a Three Stooges movie involving Housing and Urban Development Secretary and snoozing aficionado, Ben Carson. During questioning at a recent congressional oversight hearing with the House Financial Services Committee, California Representative Katie Porter asked Carson about the rates for an REO(real estate owned) home, to which Carson replied like he was doing vaudeville schtick, “An Oreo?” Yeah, that’s right, Ben. It’s a hearing on housing and she’s asking you about cookies. You could tell from the smirk on his face he was having fun trolling Congress. He also did the same kind thing with Ohio Representative Joyce Beatty on the term OMWI (Office of Minority and Women Inclusion) in which Carson replied “Amway?” We’d expect this kind of “what? where?” foolishness from Vinnie Barbarino and the Sweathogs, not the head of HUD. Watch the videos in the link and see what a clown this man is.

This tomfoolery shows without a shadow of a doubt that he has no business being the secretary of housing. Of course, from what we’ve seen from Carson the last five years, we’re wondering how he ever became a neurosurgeon. We’re guessing he probably spends his time at HUD taking some naps and dreaming of those sweet, sweet Oreo cookies and a big glass of milk. mmmmm. . .zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

HUD Secretary and snoozing aficionado Ben Carson skillfully deflects questioning by congresswoman Katie Porter by proclaiming nap time so he can dream of those sweet, sweet Oreo cookies and a big glass of milk.
HUD Secretary and snoozing aficionado Ben Carson skillfully deflects questioning by congresswoman Katie Porter by proclaiming nap time so he can dream of those sweet, sweet Oreo cookies and a big glass of milk.

The Ursula Of The White House

There are so many incompetent enablers in the Trump Administration’s White House, it truly is dizzying to contemplate and nauseating to live with. We’ve already commented on many but we’ve yet to talk about Press Secretary and Chief Prevaricator, Sarah *uckabee Sanders. We never thought she could outdo the previous Press Secretary, Sean ‘ Spicey’ Spicer, on bald faced lying to the public but as everything else with this clownish administration, new depths of ineptitude are explored and exceeded everyday.

Ms. Sanders is only thirty-five years old but owes her high profile job to the fact that she is Mike *uckabee’s daughter. Former Arkansas governor *uckabee was one of the clowns in the Con-a-thon 2016 Republican clown car and is a well known bible thumper. Trump’s been giving some of his fellow clowns, like Ben Carson and Rick Perry, high profile positions in his cabinet. So it’s really no surprise that he’s given the position to someone so vastly unqualified. Hey, look at Jared Kushner and Trump’s own daughter Ivanka.

Ms. Sanders should realize that according to her belief system, lying or bearing false witness is a sin and punishment by damnation in hell. We find it funny that she’s been wearing more and more makeup in her press briefings in an attempt to make her appear less repugnant. She should realize that her obsequious fealty to Trump, dishonesty and lack of integrity makes her more unsightly than Ursula from the Little Mermaid, whom she curiously resembles.

Trump administration Press Secretary and pathological prevaricator, Sarah *uckabee Sanders, bears a striking resemblance to beloved cartoon sea hag, Ursula.

Trump administration Press Secretary and pathological prevaricator, Sarah *uckabee Sanders, bears a striking resemblance to beloved cartoon sea hag, Ursula.

The Ice Queen Goeth

The New Hampshire primaries were this past week and Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump were the big winners on the Democratic and Republican sides respectively. Of course, it also meant that the Republican clown car just got roomier in the continuing sham that is Con-a-thon 2016.

Carly ‘Ice Queen’ Fiorina,  New Jersey boss Chris Christie and some guy named Jim Gilmore decided to suspend their presidential campaigns this week. It was expected that Fiorina would go soon since she wasn’t even invited to participate in the last Republican debate. Her numbers have dropped since her support of a fraudulent video against Planned Parenthood last year. Chris Christie didn’t receive an expected bounce from his thrashing of Marco Rubio in last week’s debate, so he went back to Jersey. And as far as Jim Gilmore goes, he never really had a chance. He wasn’t even in our original photo-toon of the the Republican clown car (see above link). He’s continually polled at 0% so he finally smelled the coffee and said goodbye.

Who’ll be the next to go? We think the eternally sleepwalking Ben Carson will be the next outcast from the clown car since he doesn’t even know when to come on stage (Donald Trump didn’t either for that matter). Stay tuned folks! The six remaining Republican clowns are sure to provide more comedy in the coming weeks.

The latest outcasts from the Republican clown car include Ice Queen Carly Fiorina, Jersey boss Chris Christie and some guy named Jim Gilmore.

The latest outcasts from the Republican clown car include Ice Queen Carly Fiorina, Jersey boss Chris Christie and some guy named Jim Gilmore.

The Fog Of Delusion

Republicans Holds America Hostage: Day 15…What?…Wait!…Day 15!!! Are you freaking kidding!!!

Well, the GOP shutdown clusterf*ck continues with no end in sight. According to polls everywhere, the Republicans are becoming less popular than syphilis. But Teabagger Extraordinaire, Ted Cruz, remains not only optimistic, but downright gung-ho. You see, according to the No-class Cruzer’s polls, the Teabagging Republicans are the most popular phenomenon since hula-hoops, transistor radios, crew cuts and slavery. Apparently, the right-wing bubble doesn’t permit 21st century reality to enter and is instead perpetually stuck in the 1950s or 1850s, take your pick. But have no fear America. Ted Cruz, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann are here to guide us to the Rapture. Or as Bachmann put it, “Maranatha Come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand.” Great! Just in time for Halloween!

Teabagger patriots Ted Cruz, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann, assure Americans that all is swell in Teabaggerland.

 

 

Wagging The Rapture Dog

The news is out that the Democrats are pushing for Robert Mueller to testify before Congress and the Trump administration and Republicans are not happy about that. Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell tried using Jedi mind tricks in the Senate by repeatedly uttering “Case closed….Case closed.” And of course, America’s CEO/Dictator and delusional man child, Donald Trump, continued his pathological prevaricating on Twitter and on his right wing echo chamber Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network. But there were some other disturbing developments on the international front that show that the Republicans might take an insane, catastrophic step in order to protect Trump from the fallout of Mueller testifying.

The United States has sent warships to the Gulf of Hormuz in response to ‘troubling’ actions by Iranians. National Security Advisor, war hawk and failed walrus impersonator John Bolton, has been beating the drums for war with Iran since the days of the Iraq War clusterf*ck, which Bolton still thinks was the right call. Now the delusional Bolton thinks starting another war in the Middle East would be another smashing idea and we’re sure the defense corporations are champing at the bit for a new avenue for profit. Therefore, Bolton and Trump are trying to create a Gulf of Tonkin incident so they can start a war with Iran.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo also seems to be supporting the idea of war with Iran but for a different reason. Pompeo is one of those looniest of loony evangelical christians called a rapturist. In the warped mind of these nutbags, the end times are a-coming which means that all good christians will be slurped up to heaven while the rest of us ‘heathens’ will be left to toil on Earth. One of the pre-cursors for the end times, according to ‘biblical scripture’, is that Jerusalem is recognized as the capital of Israel, which Donald Trump did last year. Now, according to the end times mythology, a great war will occur and Jesus Christ will come again which will facilitate the ‘rapture’. Many prominent Republicans are rapturists including Pompeo, VP Puritan Mike Pence, former Teabagger darling Sarah ‘Ubetcha’ Palin, former Attorney Confederate General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, housing secretary Ben ‘Mr. Sandman’ Carson and energy secretary and brain fart expert Rick Perry. So, with a normal, logical, reasonable Secretary of State, war is usually and wisely avoided. But with this evangelical loon, conditions are being forced that would result in a catastrophic conflict in the Middle East. This would mean that biblical prophecy would be ‘proven’ correct and all the ‘good people’ (christians) will get their just desserts in heaven and all the bad people (the rest of us) will suffer in lakes of fire here on Earth.

Of course, these wack jobs fail to consider that the people who wrote the bible lived two thousand years ago and didn’t know jack about the Earth or the universe. We’ve mentioned before that religious people connect to a tiny bronze age database while scientific people connect to a colossal, 21st century database chock full of knowledge. We’ve gained so much knowledge about everything in the last four hundred years. To ignore science, scientific inquiry and scientific methods is sheer lunacy and any person advocating radical ideology based on two thousand year old babble shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the corridors of power in this country. We guarantee to all those rapture loonies that unless you’re vaporized by a nuclear blast you’ll still be here left to toil on the Earth with the rest of us.

To distract from the possible testifying of Robet Mueller before Congress, American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump has decided to 'wag the dog' with multiple wars much to the delight of National Security Advisor and war monger extraordinaire John Bolton and Secretary of State and Rapture aficionado Mike Pompeo.
To distract from the possible testifying of Robet Mueller before Congress, American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump has decided to ‘wag the dog’ with multiple wars much to the delight of National Security Advisor and war monger extraordinaire John Bolton and Secretary of State and Rapture aficionado Mike Pompeo.

Must…Worship….Celebrities!

And now for something completely different…

Remember when there was a dearth of celebrity worship shows? Neither do we. Here’s an article from our January 4, 2004 issue.

American Crisis: Shortage Of Celebrity Worship Shows

America is facing a huge crisis of gargantuan proportions the likes of which haven’t been seen in some time: the shortage of celebrity worship shows. Entertainment industry experts proclaim this year could be dire for celebrity obsessed Americans.

Hollywood Beat reporter Joel Tinsel said “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! It’s just brutal out there! Currently, the only way to keep track of your favorite celebrities are shows like Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, Extra, Celebrity Justice, Cribs, Celebrity Stalker, Celebrity Anus Probe and Entertainment Studios.com. Then there are celebrity talk shows like David Letterman, Conan, Tonight Show, Carson Daly, Craig Kilborn, El Gordo y la Flaca, Sharon Osbourne, Ellen DeGeneres, The View, Ali and Jack, Regis and Kelly, Bumphus and Mortimer, and Toolin’ with Aunt Tootie. And then there are the game shows which really are celebrity worship shows like Hollywood Squares, 10,000 Dollar Pyramid and Tinseltown Airheads. As you can see, this clearly is not enough for the millions of Americans that are clamoring to touch a star!”

Jill Knotts of Brainerd, Minnesota said, “I need to know what Britney Spears is doing morning, noon and night. You see, I don’t have a life of my own, so I need to live through her. If I don’t know what she’s doing I just cower in the corner of my closet and suck my thumb for hours on end.”

Tyler Moore of Eagle Butte, Idaho said, “I’m all about couples news, man. I need to know which couples are together and which have broken up. You know the power couples, like Brad and Jennifer, Will and Jada, Bennifer, Michael and Catherine Zeta Jones, Julia Roberts and whoever, Anne Heche and whatever. If I lose track of this vital information I’d probably kill myself.”

Mary Deacon of Claypitt, Georgia said, “Before I develop my own opinion on any subject, I wait until I hear what the celebrities think on the subject. I mean after all, they’re the most intelligent people on the planet. They’re so much better than I am. If Jessica Simpson says no to world hunger, then that’s all I need to know.”

Industry insiders have mentioned that electronic tracking devices will soon be implanted into all celebrities so that reporting on their activities will be much easier. Trials have already been performed on such top celebs as Anna Nicole Smith, Pauly Shore and Victoria Jackson. Marilu Henner even has a twenty-four hour channel documenting every phase of her life.

Tinsel reacted tearfully to the new technology. “This is sooooooo fantastic! Americans will never be without knowledge of celebrity whereabouts ever again! OMG! Marilu Henner is cutting her toenails!”