What To Do With Saddam

The capture of the former dictator of Iraq, Saddam Hussein, has been hailed around the world as a great step in the direction of building a free, democratic Iraq. But many are now asking what to do with the deposed dictator. Citizens from all around America are weighing in with their opinion on the subject.

Sylvester Blankenship of Biting Wind, Wyoming said, "I'd like to see them put him in a cell with that freak Michael Jackson and then let the cameras roll. Oh ho ho! Now that's a reality show I'd want to see."

Jethro Lee Johnson of Scarlet Thorax, Texas said, "I think they should tie him up and drag him through the streets of Baghdad. It sure keeps those darkies in line around here. That and the electric chair. Yee Hah!!"

Tyree Wallace of Festering Cesspool, Florida said, "I think they ought to have him guest star on the View. I wouldn't want to face those bitches, that's for sure. That Star Jones would rip him a new one, I tell you what."

Sylvia Leonard of Fort Bitterness, Virginia said, "I think they should cut his balls off and stuff 'em down his @&$#^* throat. Oh Saddam Hussein! I thought you said my ex-husband Sam Musane. Is Saddam single?"

Plinus P. Plazbacher of Pea Valley, Pennsylvania said, "Who's this Saddam fellow you speak of? I'm Amish so I don't know much about this modern world. But if he's able bodied, we could use another hand for the barn raising next week."

Miles Starkwood of San Francisco, California said, "Well. My master needs a new gimp. I think Saddam would be perfect!"

Bush To Invade Moon

In an effort to jump start the beleaguered space program and augment a slowly recovering economy, President Bush announced recently that he wants to send Americans to the moon again. The last American astronaut stepped foot on the moon in 1972.

"We feel that it's time for America to return to the moon," said Bush. "We also have it on good intelligence that Saddam Hussein hid the Weapons of Mass Destruction there. We also have it on good authority that Osama Bin Laden may be hiding there as well. It is therefore imperative that we preemptively invade the moon to make it safe for future generations of Americans from the terrorists."

When asked where the tips came from, Bush smirked and said, "Well. Let's just say that his name rhymes with Baddam and he likes living in spider holes." Bush then chuckled to himself for ten minutes.

Several people expressed skepticism about the proposed program. David Glass, spokesman for NASA, said, "While we applaud the President's enthusiasm for the space program, we really don't think Iraq had the capability to send a rocket to the moon. It's more likely that Saddam Hussein is pulling his leg and it's more likely that Osama Bin Laden is somewhere on the Afghanistan-Pakistan border. I feel a wiser use of funds would be to start building infrastructure for alternative energy transportation and energy systems which will reduce our dependency on foreign oil and decrease our consumption of natural resources."

Bush dismissed the skepticism. "People. I'm the president! I just caught Saddam Hussein, the biggest villain since Darth Vader. Now we're going to the moon and play Star Wars and that's final! That is unless you're for the terrorists."

Gore Dumps Lieberman; Dean To Be New Squeeze

In a stunning political announcement last week, Al Gore dumped his running mate from the 2000 election, Connecticut Senator, Joe Lieberman, and announced he will support Democratic front runner, Howard Dean.

"Howard is just so damn sexy!" said a glowing Gore. "He's got the balls I never had when I ran for president. He's a manly man and he didn't even have to grow a beard. If I had been as bold as Howard is, we'd all have lockboxes today!"

Lieberman was devastated by the rejection. "I really thought we had something," said the teary eyed Senator. "Look at all we went through: the campaign, the election. the Florida debacle. Those were such good times! And now he just tosses me aside like a used condom!" He then took out his handkerchief and blew his nose. "What do I do now? Where does Joe Lieberman go from here?"

When asked why he decided not to support Lieberman, Gore said, "Please! Come on people! He whines just like a Republican! I mean with the stances he's taken lately, why doesn't he just tighten his tie and become one. I just couldn't take it anymore!"

Gore then called Howard Dean to the podium where he was standing and presented him with a red rose saying, "I've chosen you, Howard."

Top Christmas Gifts

The holiday shopping season is in full swing and people everywhere are snapping up the latest in trendytoys and gifts for their loved ones. Each year there seems to be a new hot toy that every child craves or a new gadget that anyone who's anyone must have. The BilgeBucket staff has conveniently assembled a list of the hot "gotta have it" items for this years Christmas. Be sure this print this out and take it with you to the mall!

	Mistress Spankarella Action Figure
	Queer Eye For The Straight Guy Home Game
	Allahsbro's My Little Mullah
	The Mullets Trivia Guide
	The Anatomically Correct Pat the Hermaphrodite Plush Doll
	Dick Cheney's Oil Derrick Bank
	Gangsta Rapper Dogg P. Diddly Piddly's Have Yourself a Merry F***ing Christmas
	Dr. Wanky's Masturbation Hanky
	Mazeltel's Talking Menorah Featuring the Voice of Fran Drescher
	Jesus On A Harley Hummel Figurine
	Decorative Reindeer Testicles
	Authentic Samurai Sword Personally Engraved By Tom Cruise
	Anti-Aging Anti-Dating Pungent Skunkberry Body Wash
	George W. Bush's Lil' Cowboy Diplomat Fun Kit