American Males Hoping For Kucinich-Thompson Election; “They’ve Got Hot Wives!”

In recent polls, American males have expressed a surprising preference for a 2008 Presidential election between Democrat Dennis Kucinich and Republican Fred Thompson. The reason behind this stems from each one’s extraordinarily attractive, young wives, Elizabeth Kucinich and Jeri Kehn Thompson.

Elizabeth Kucinich is just thirty years old and thirty years younger than the Ohio congressman. She has regularly been shown during the Democratic debates as cameramen have been entranced by her beauty and pan to her often while candidates are talking.

Jeri Kehn Thompson is forty one years old and twenty five years younger than the Law and Order star, Thompson. She is regularly touted as a trophy wife by pundits, but she was also a successful media consultant in Washington D.C.

Mike Baker of French Lick, Indiana said, “Oh man! Kucinich and Thompson’s wives are hot, hot, hot! Can you imagine if they were running against each other? Those babes would be on the television all the time. I’d definitely become more interested in politics and world affairs if they were on TV all the time.”

Doug Hale of Beaver Valley, Idaho said, “Either one of them would make a hot First Lady. Maybe instead of having those boring debates, Elizabeth and Jeri could mud wrestle or have a pillow fight…wearing lingerie. That would be cool! ”

Lyle Harrison of Mound City, Missouri said, “I don’t think much of Kucinich or Thompson, but if it means I get to see more of their wives, let’s do it!” Harrison’s leg then started twitching and he started to howl.

Controversial celebrity author and former talk show host, Rosie O’Donnell said, “Screw Dennis Kucinich and Fred Thompson! Let’s have Elizabeth Kucinich run against Jeri Thompson for President! Either one of them would do better than the men we’ve had as President the last forty years. Plus they’re hot!” O’Donnell’s leg then started twitching and she started to howl.

Former President Bill Clinton said, “Why couldn’t I have had a First Lady that looked like that? Just kidding, Hillary. You know you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. Oh man! Looks like I’m sleeping in the dog house again.”

Neocon Media Conveniently Overlooks Laura Bush Wearing Headscarf

Last spring, neocon media pundits loudly protested Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi visiting Syria and wearing a headscarf while she was there. However, the same pundits conveniently overlooked the First Lady Laura Bush donning a scarf while visiting Saudi Arabia this past week to give support to Saudi women for breast cancer research in that country.

Fox News’ Sean Hannity said, “So Laura Bush wore a headscarf. Here’s something the American public needs to understand; when that terrorist lover Nanci Pelosi wears a scarf, she’s wet-kissing the Muslim world. When our beloved First Lady wears a headscarf, it’s an elegant and thoughtful gesture to a third world culture that needs a good spanking…or nukeing.”

Conservative radio talk show host, Rush Limbaugh said, “Ohhhhh, those evil Liberals. Only they would try to equate that traitorous hussy, Nancy Pelosi, with our beloved and saintly Laura Bush. This proves that Democrats want the terrorists to win.”

Fox talk show host, Bill O’Reilly said, “Scarf? I don’t see any scarf. Laura Bush is not wearing any scarf. This is just another lie and distortion from the liberal media. Oh and be sure and buy my new book, Kids Are Americans, Too. Lots of people don’t realize it, but kids are Americans and because kids are Americans they shouldn’t have free healthcare either. The President is so right on this one.”

President Bush didn’t seem to be too concerned about his wife's clothing choice. “I’m not worried. She was wearing a flag lapel pin, so I know she still loves America.”

Bush Loves Daughter Jenna’s Book

President Bush raved recently about his daughter Jenna’s new book, Ana’s Story: A Journey of Hope, which is a story about a 17 year old single mother living in Panama with HIV. It is Jenna’s first effort as an author.

“I just love the whole story,” beamed President Bush. “I’m just so proud that she wrote such a book filled with hope for the childrens in America. I really like the part where Sam convinces his friend to try the green eggs and ham and gosh darn it if his friend doesn’t like it. That’s a learning lesson for all you young-uns; always try something before you decide if you like it or not. Take me; I didn’t think I’d like eavesdropping on people, but now that I’ve done it, I can’t get enough of it. The same with torture; who knew it would be such a hoot! What? Jenna’s book isn’t about green eggs and ham? What book is that? Oh. Green Eggs and Ham. Well, who wrote that? Dr. Seuss? I’ve heard of him. He writes real good. Well what did my daughter write then? A book about a single mother in Panama with HIV? That sounds depressing as hell. That girl better not try to come to America for health care because she ain’t gonna get it. Heh-heh.”

When told of her father’s response, Jenna laughed and said, “Daddy must be drinking again. He always gets stewed and reads Dr. Seuss when Mom goes out of the country.”

Employees Keep Replying To All On Emails

Many employees at Cactus Corners based financial planning company, McConnell-Barker, were irked this past week as some employees kept replying to all to a generic email sent by the IT department asking for feedback for a recently installed program.

“God, it was so annoying,” said accountant Roxie James. “The email was asking for feedback about a new program that was installed last week for making reports. It didn’t explicitly say to respond to the IT manager but I knew immediately that if I was going to provide feedback, I’d just send it to the IT department. Instead, every couple of minutes, I kept getting an email from somebody giving their feedback. I could care less about how the new software is doing, so don’t include me on the send list. How hard is that to figure out?”

Co-worker, Reggie Atkins said, “It drove me nuts. It’s not rocket science folks. Just hit the Reply button instead of the Reply To All button. I just started here last month, but I’m not getting a good feeling about the caliber of employees here if they can’t respond properly to a simple email.”

IT technician Phil Barton said, “I thought it was pretty funny. I sent out the email and I started getting replies and I noticed that they were Replying To All. Then I got a call from Ms. Leymouth in HR saying she kept getting all this email about the ReportCrafter software and she didn’t know why she was getting it. I finally had to send out a follow up email so people would just respond to me. I swear, if you don’t spell things out to some people, they just can’t figure it out.”

Manager Don O’Rourke said, “I knew I was just supposed to send it to the IT department. But I just figured, since I’m so goddamned important, the whole company would want to know how I felt, that’s why I replied to all.”

Top Bad Ideas For A Bilge List

Well things are a little slow lately here at the Bucket and we had a little trouble coming up with an idea for this issue’s Bilge List. Man, we came up with some real stinkeroos all right! So since our brains seem to be on holiday already, our staff has decided to go with the top bad ideas we brainstormed on this past week. Feel free to heckle, jeer and mock…wait for it…wait for it…now!

	Top animals that begin with the letter Q
	Top kinds of mucous
	Top reasons to watch ABC’s smash hit Cavemen
	Top sight seeing attractions in Des Moines, Iowa
	Top ways to cleanse your colon
	Top songs sung by 70’s super group Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods
	Top outfits that make Kirstie Ally look sexy
	Top comedy movies of Pauly Shore
	Top members of the virus family Poxviridae
	Top vacation spots in Iraq
	Top Dustin Diamond sex tapes
	Top reasons to watch an Arizona Cardinals football game
	Top intelligent decisions by George W. Bush