America's Love Affair With Fucking

The other day, as I was getting my weekly paddling from Mistress Spankarella, I started thinking about America's favorite adjective. Back when I was a lad, the favorites were groovy, far-out and righteous. Then the eighties brought awesome, excellent and totally tubular . The nineties and rap/hip-hop culture have brought us wack, dope and bootylicious. But one adjective has withstood the test of time and has been a descriptive mainstay for the last half-century. That adjective is fucking.

Now before you say, "What a fucking lame article!" just think about it. Baby boomers, Gen Xers and Gen Y's all use it. Nothing adds punch to a sentence like a well placed fucking. For example, "Michael Jackson isn't just weird, he's fucking weird!" Or "Tina Fey isn't just a hot goddess, she's a fucking hot goddess!" Or "Gigli isn't just a train wreck of a movie, it's a fucking train wreck of a movie!". Of course, this trend has been unfolding for quite some time. But thanks to the availability of cable, Def Comedy Jam, and Joe Pesci, the word fucking has taken off.

My favorite use was by an overbuilt, underbrained co-worker of mine back when I worked at Burger Shack in high school, Tom Melton. He used fucking quite gratuitously. He'd say things like, "That fucking fucker fucking ripped me off! I'm going to fucking rip his fucking head off!" or "I'll give that fucking customer his fucking coke and fucking fries right up his fucking ass." Ahh! Wacky Tom Melton. I think he became a Buddhist monk.

Nothing gets a laugh like a good fucking. When you say something like, "That detective's a major dick!", you may or may not get a chortle. But add a fucking to the dick and hilarity ensues. Try it now. "That detective's a major fucking dick!" See! A fucking dick brings smiles to everyone's faces.

So in closing, I hope everyone has more than just a groovy day. I hope everyone has a fucking groovy day.