Romance Tips From The Animal Kingdom

Wine, dine and shower her with gifts. Flowers, wine and antelope leg say I love you in any species. This lion knew exactly what to do for his lioness. It’s no wander he’s scoring some hot Serengeti action.

Variety is the spice of life. A little kink can be fun. Take this tiger. He is clearly showing he’s fond of some sadomasochistic rough play. And the female certainly doesn’t seem to mind being his bitch. Just be sure and check with your partner before attempting anything risqué. Hanging a whip on your belt and wearing a dog collar is probably not the best attire for a first date.

Be considerate of your partner. This grasshopper, smoking a big, smelly stogie while mating, is just plain rude. As we all know from watching Hollywood movies, smoking comes afterwards. And Hollywood never lies. Some people, like yours truly, don’t even like smoking. I prefer to eat; before, during and after.

Sometimes three is not a crowd. A ménage a trois can not only be very fulfilling, it can be a downright hoot. Just be sure you find an agreeable mate as your third partner. Make sure he’s not some weird, wacky, little jerk, like this horny toad. Don't you just want to smack him?

There’s no shame in masturbating. Sometimes your partner just might not be in the mood. Takes advice from the earthworm, which is both male and female. When their partner isn’t feeling it or there just isn’t one around, they can fertilize themselves. So you see, sometimes it’s best to take matters into your own hand. Like I’ve been doing since, oh I don’t know, all my life.