How To Pick Up Chicks

Lets face it: a lot of guys out there have trouble meeting chicks. Now I'm not one to brag, but I've scored with several chicks on many occasions. In every video game I've played lately, I'm the mack daddy. Since these games reflect real life I don't think it's any stretch of the imagination to say my skills should be a slam dunk with real breathing women.

Here's a tip I learned from playing Pimp City. For instance, when meeting women you've got to be cool yet direct. Let's say you're walking along the street and you see a fine looking ho standing on the corner. You saunter up to her real cool like, look her straight in the eye and say, "Yo bitch! You looking fine. You're knocking da boots with yours truly tonight." If she protests, just grab her face, get in real close to her and say, "Do you understand me, wench?" Trust me! No ho can resist that direct approach. It's got that caveman appeal that women fine so attractive. She'll take you over to the nearest back alley where you can do the nasty on a piece of cardboard.

Here's another tip from an unlikely source: Bank Robber's Massacre. Yes, you can learn about chicks even from massive bloodletting games like this. Let's say you're in a bank and you see a great looking savings counselor with great gams. Now girls just love bad boys. It's true. Look at all the movies where girls go nuts over the rebels who just can't be tamed. Proof positive! So just tackle her and tell her you're a bank robber. Then tell her if she doesn't rock your world the whole bank will pay. Trust me! She'll take you to the vault and let you make a deposit, if you know what I mean.

ChopSocky Champions VI: Adventure in Chinatown had some real sage advice. Babes, especially Asian babes, always love guys who know karate. Let's say you're ordering some chow mein in a Chinese restaurant and your waitress is a hot Asian babe. Impress her by not taking any flack from the busboy. When he fills your glass with water, complain that he dishonors you. When he asked why he dishonors you, just make up something cockamamie like his haircut is goofy. Then you must stand and threaten his manhood. The key is to say "Wayeeeeeeeeeeee!" while maneuvering into a Karate-Kid looking stance. For good measure, knock his tray full of glasses over onto the floor. Trust me! The busboy will go running and the waitress will go ga-ga. She'll lead you into the kitchen pantry where she'll let you moo shoo her pork, if you get my drift.

The simulation games are also good for learning how to get lucky. My favorite is the McSimulacs. It's a virtual treasure trove of dating advice. For instance, if you share a household with a female roommate, it's okay to barge in when she's taking a shower. Women love to be interrupted when they're naked. Probably my favorite tidbit of wisdom from this game is when you have a party be sure to spike the women's drink with extra booze. Trust me! Nothing says sure-fire score than a drunken chick.

But my favorite game lately for scoring with the femininos has been Mall Crime Spree. You probably wouldn't expect it from the title, but there are a lot of opportunities for sexual conquest in this game. For instance, let's say you're in a mall and you see a beautiful hottie walking along wearing a mini skirt and high heels. Just follow her everyplace she goes. Women love to be pursued. And don't lose hope just because she ducks into a rest room or starts talking to a security guard. When the opportunity presents itself approach her and tell her that you've been following her and that you'd like to get it on with her. Trust me! She'll appreciate your candor. She'll drag you off behind the sales rack at the Banana Republic and give you a discount you'll never forget.

All this writing about picking up chicks has gotten me psyched. I've got to go to the bank today. Maybe I'll try out my can't miss tackle maneuver on Miss Mills, the receptionist. Just to give you fair warning. I may not be back for a while. Hee hee! Thank you Bank Robber's Massacre!