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Shoveling it to the public |
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Volume 4 | Issue 1 | January 11, 2006 |
Not for viewers under 18 |
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Shoveling it to the public |
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Volume 4 | Issue 1 | January 11, 2006 |
Not for viewers under 18 |
The new controversial U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, recently hired a crew to completely makeover his image from a grizzled curmudgeon
to a softer, more amiable statesman. Leader of the makeover team, world renowned fashion consultant Fantasticus, who is also responsible for the stylish
makeovers of Katie Couric, Condoleezza Rice and Prince Charles’ polo horse Camilla Skippy, describes the different looks considered in the makeover odyssey. The final result will surely make John Bolton the most loveable U.S.
Ambassador to the United Nations ever!
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The obvious first choice was to make John Bolton look like the other famous Bolton in America, singer Michael Bolton. We thought the long locks, smoldering eyes and sex appeal of Michael would transfer well to John. We were wrong. Next! |
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Next!!!!! |
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We decided to try to make John Bolton more fluffy and lovable and who is more fluffy and lovable than the Easter Bunny. Well this just plain frightened our test group, which was made up of mostly children. I’m pretty sure they’ll probably have nightmares for the remainders of their lives. Next! |
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The makeover was going downhill quicker than Bill O’Reilly’s ‘War on Christmas’, so I called in makeover diva, Tyra Banks, as a consultant. Tyra is known for her ‘fierce’ makeovers, but this look just creeped everyone out. Next! Hurry! |
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WINNER! We fired Tyra immediately, but she was on the right track. Who’s more non-threatening in a masculine-feminine way than Dame Edna. This look will put his fellow ambassadors at ease and bring laughter and love to the entire United Nations. |
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